Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
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GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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