Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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