I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
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I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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