Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize