just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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