I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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