she smelled like a LAN party
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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