I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize