You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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