You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
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He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
His nipple licking is glorious
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