im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize