woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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