Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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