Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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