I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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