I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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