life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize