im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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