we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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