You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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