He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize