He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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