i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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