I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize