CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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