i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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