just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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