I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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