does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
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I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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