My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize