If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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