i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She's the barista slut.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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