I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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