Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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