Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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