i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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