Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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