shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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