the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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