in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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