we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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