I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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