I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize