dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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