Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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