one word: firstdatebathroomanal
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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