smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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