and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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