Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
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He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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