I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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